Bittersweet

As most of you have heard by now, our family will be moving to the Atascadero area at the end of September/early October. This is both exciting and sad at the same time. Since the whole story takes a long time to tell, you can read the whole thing below. So, grab a cup of coffee, settle in, and read how God has been working on our lives.

Our Story...

December 2013/Beginning of January 2014

Michelle: We both individually sensed God telling us to “Get the house ready to sell.” However at that time neither of us vocalized that to each other. So Chris began working on building the trash enclosure in the kitchen, a project that had long been on our list of house projects to finish. I was excited to see him working on that project, and as he finished I said to him, “I'm really glad you finished that project, I've sensed that we need to get the house ready.” At that point he looked at me with a curious look and said, “I've heard the same thing.”

At that point I think I cried, knowing that some big changes were coming ahead. We had no further direction, but determined that is what we would focus on, getting the house ready. So we made a list of projects to complete and began crossing them off (we are list people, so crossing things off a list is very satisfying!)

Mid-January 2014

Chris: I was leading worship on a Sunday morning at our church, Calvary Chapel Oxnard, and was leading the song “Oceans” by Hillsong. If you're not familiar with it, you can listen to it here. As I was singing the bridge, God very clearly spoke to me (as clear as I’ve only heard Him a couple times in my life). Here are the words of the bridge:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior

While I was singing this bridge I heard God say, “Really?” Now this was not audible, but I could hear Him speaking none the less.  I was shocked so I kind of just froze.  And then I heard God say a second time “Really?” To which I responded, “Yes.”  And then God said, “You're not going to be here much longer.” Which I knew meant “You will not be serving like this, as the Worship Pastor, at Calvary Oxnard much longer.”

When I got home from church that day, I told Michelle what had happened, and I think she cried again. We generally don't like change, and the reality that a very big change was coming was becoming more real. At this point, we still didn't know what this all meant. Was I just going to another ministry and we would stay in Ventura? Were we moving out of the area? We had no clue.

Michelle: For the next part of the story we need to go back a couple years. We were visiting some good friends in Atascadero, having dinner at their house. We loved the feel of the community, the small town, the spacious yards and big oak trees. Our friends were telling us about their neighborhood and what it was like to raise their kids there. As we left, Chris and I both agreed this would be great place to raise a family. That was the end of the conversation and we didn’t give it any more thought at the time.

Chris: Fast forward to 2014, as we were continuing to pray about whatever it is that God had next for us, that conversation years ago about Atascadero came to mind. We really questioned whether that desire was planted there by God or was just our own. We prayed that if it was our own desire that God would pluck it and remove it since we wanted to stay in the center of His will and not our own. As we prayed about it individually and together, the desire and tug from the Lord kept growing. Psalm 37:4 kept coming to mind: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”  This verse doesn’t mean God will give you thing that you desire, but that he will place those desires in your heart in the first place.  So as we prayed it became clear that God put that desire in our hearts years back and was now telling us to act.  And with each trip north this year, we sensed more and more that the Atascadero area is where God was calling.

January-May

Chris: Ever since we started attending Calvary Oxnard (2005) we have felt very strongly that this was where God wanted us.  When I was offered the full time position as Worship Pastor the calling was very strong and clear.  Through the past 7 1/2 years that calling has remained clear and we knew exactly where we were supposed to be, Calvary Oxnard.  After that Sunday in January, when I heard the Lord speaking, we have both felt that same calling being shifted from Calvary Oxnard to Atascadero.  To what in Atascadero we are not sure, but we just keep hearing the same thing... “Move there.” 

Now we know that some people may try and read into this and ask the question: “what is the real reason they are leaving...what's happening behind the scenes that they aren't telling us?”  And the truth is...NOTHING!  We both feel like things at the church have never been better and that the worship ministry has never been in a better place since we have been there.  I love what I do, love the people I work with and we absolutely love Pastor Lance, our church, and everyone in it.  There is no rift, no underlying motive, no broken relationships, and no attitude of, “we can't wait to get out of this place.”  We love the area and we love the people. The easy and most comfortable thing for us to do would be to stay.  We know that this will be the hardest thing we have ever done in our lives and we don't look forward to the process, but we do look forward to what God wants to do next with us and there is excitement knowing that the Lord has spoken so clearly to move.

Michelle: During this time, beginning in February, I was doing a Bible study through the book of John with If:Equip. Every day there was a passage of scripture to read and then a time to journal. We finished the book of John at the end of April. At that time, the If:Equip study leaders posed the question: Consider the person and life of Jesus. If you believe it to be true…then what?

To ponder this, I read back over all my journal notes through the study of John and put together a bullet point list (I told you we like lists!) of the things God had been speaking to me during this time. Here’s a portion of it:

·         Whatever He says to you, do it

·         Believe Jesus the first time

·         Don’t make excuses and obey Jesus

·         Do what you see God doing, do not put the honor of men above doing God’s will

·         God sometimes sends us into the storm but He is never far away

·         Hear and obey, do not hesitate

·         Clarity will come eventually, but not without first walking the path of trust

·         Jesus makes Himself known to us as we obey Him.

·         Be confident in the promises of God

·         God always provides for us even in loss

·         Jesus freely meets us when we seek Him

·         God will equip us for His work

When I put this all together at the end of April, I could see how God was subtly preparing, calling, and comforting me all at the same time. We feel we cannot ignore the call of God and must be obedient to whatever it is He is calling us to next.

May 2014

Michelle: We drove north again for Chris' cousin's wedding in Lockwood, which he was officiating. During our time there, we strongly sensed that was where we needed to be (not Lockwood exactly, but that general area). As we drove home, we really felt the need to “spill our guts” to someone and get an outside perspective on all that had been happening. We had not told anyone our thoughts about moving, other than Chris' parents and siblings, who we told that weekend at the wedding so they could pray for us. We wanted the counsel of someone who could hear all we had to say and tell us, “You're crazy, this is nuts” or “It sounds like you are hearing from the Lord, keep on.”

So, when we got home Sunday night from our trip, Chris called our friends the Trigg’s. All he told them was that we wanted to run some things by them and get their input and perspective. We deeply admire the Trigg’s and knew that they had been through things like this in ministry before. So we set up a time to meet the following day. As we drove over to the Trigg’s house that Monday afternoon, Chris asked me how sure I was that we were moving. We both felt about 90% sure at that point that a move to Atascadero was coming.

When we sat down with Charley and Caryn, we told them everything that we’ve written about so far. The whole time we were talking, both of them sat there and smiled and nodded knowingly. I took that as a good sign that we weren’t crazy, at least their jaws weren’t dropping on the floor.

When we finished, Caryn responded first. She said after she got off the phone with Chris the previous day, the Holy Spirit spoke to her that we were moving somewhere in the San Luis Obispo area. Then Charley spoke and said as he had been praying that morning for us and for our conversation to come that evening and God spoke to him that if we were in unity of heart that we were moving north. Now our jaws dropped!  To us, this was major confirmation that we were hearing from the Lord and He was the one directing us, and it was not just our own crazy desires. Through the rest of our conversation, they gave us some great counsel and encouragement. As we drove home, we talked again and were now 100% sure we were moving north to the Atascadero area. For me, the reality also set in that while this was an exciting time of being called and directed by God, it was also going to be a difficult time of saying good-byes. 

Chris: After talking to the Trigg’s our next step was to tell Pastor Lance.  I was particularly dreading this conversation, not because I was afraid of his reaction, but because I respect him so much. He has poured in to me so much over the last 9 years and I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.  I was in my office on Wednesday, 2 days after talking with the Trigg’s, and sensing that I needed to tell him that day.  I prayed, Lord if you want me to tell him bring him in my office and have him ask how things are going.  Lance’s office is down the street from mine so this isn’t an everyday occurrence.  Within the hour I hear Lance come in the front door and my heart starts pumping. He goes about his normal business in our workroom and then walks down the hall into my office, leans against my desk and asks: “Chris, how’s life?”  I responded, “Well, you got about half an hour?”  I proceeded to tell him everything!  And let me tell you what an amazing Pastor we have.  He sat there beaming and grinning the whole time.  When I was done he genuinely was excited for us and that God was moving in this way.  He even offered to help us find some leads in the Atascadero area and said he wanted to help us in any way he could.  He told me that we needed to be obedient to the call of the Lord and to go when God says.  I told him that we were thinking about leaving in the fall, and no earlier than August, but still didn’t have a date.  He said to keep things quite until we had an exit date.

One of the things that we had trouble reconciling was Hannah’s school.  She will be starting first grade in the fall. We had checked out a lot of schools for her for the upcoming school year and decided on a school in Camarillo.  It is a hybrid program where the students are homeschooled Monday and Tuesday and are in a normal class setting the rest of the week.  We liked the school and the curriculum and felt a real peace from God about sending her there.  So before all of this other stuff came to a head, we signed a contract saying we were on the hook for the tuition for the whole school year and had already sent in a deposit.  We didn’t want to pay tuition for a full year when it looked like we were probably going to leave in the fall of this year so we didn’t know what to do. 

We were asking God why He would lead us to this school and then lead us in the opposite direction to Atascadero almost at the same time.  So I decided to call the Headmaster of the school and just be honest about everything and ask his advice.  So I did (on Friday) and I asked if it would be better if we put Hannah in public school and if we started the process now if they would let us out of our contract.  He stopped me and said, no, no, no!  He said, “We would love to have Hannah as long as we can, even if it is only for a couple weeks.  God is doing something in your family and we want to be a part of it. All you have to do is write a letter to the school board explaining your situation and I’m positive they will let you off of the remainder of your tuition payments.  Not only that, but when it is time for you to leave we will set you guys up with the curriculum and training so you will be able to home school her for the rest of the year if you want.  That way you won’t have to worry about finding her a school up there until you are ready to.”  I was sitting on the other end of the phone with my jaw dropped again. This made everything make sense and provided a way for us to leave when we thought it was right instead of in a rush or waiting too long to make everything work with Hannah for school.  Who would have thought…God knew what he was doing all along!

At the end of May we finished “The List.”  All of those house projects were done so we called our realtor Tim.  Tim helped us buy our condo and is an amazing man of God and a friend of ours.  We had him over and told him what God was doing.  He walked us through the process of selling a home, since we have only bought, and answered a bunch of questions.  After meeting with him we felt like moving to Atascadero at the end of September/beginning of October seemed right.  So I told Lance the next day that my last day on staff at the church will be September 15^th.  And then all this craziness started becoming a reality!

Michelle: So here we are, it’s out in the open. We are moving and now you all know. We still don’t know why for sure God is moving us there, but we trust He has a purpose for our family. Chris knows that he is not being called out of ministry, but doesn’t know which ministry he is being called to.  He still has his Contractors License and a growing business making Bronco Boxes (broncoboxes.com) and I have my Architecture License. So we have some options if need be when we get up there. These last six months have been a roller coaster of emotions, from excitement to sadness and everything in between. We feel a great sense of loss, leaving our friends, some family, our church and this beautiful area. But we are trusting that it is not in vain and that God will fill in where voids are left.

We sincerely hope to continue friendships we have made here, even though there will be distance between us. And I am hoping to keep up with this blog as we transition to keep you all informed of how things go. We appreciate all your prayers. If you have any questions about this crazy ride, feel free to talk with us about it or leave a comment here and I/we will respond.